Diary of an Innkeeper

DISCLAIMER: I have never done this before! So for all those who may not see me in the lobby, I am not hiding. Really! I am just doing other things. Really!!

Normally, I love to talk to all of my guests. You meet so many different types of people from all over the place. It is a very interesting life. But on this particular weekend. Well, not so much. She checked in and having been here once before I remembered her immediately! The conversation started like this, "Where's George? I want to see George. You, I don't remember your name!" Oh, it was going to be a long weekend!

I was sitting at the front desk with a mound of paperwork, and in walks Eunice, wanting to know how my year has been. Actually not really wanting to hear anything from me, but just wanting to talk and talk and talk. After 10 minutes of her talking/me listening, she picked up our guest comment book and decided to read me the comments, out loud, for the next 10 minutes. I've read them all before. All of them. If my attention swayed, at all, she asked if I was listening. I felt my body starting to shake. She stopped for a second, put down the book and said she was just going to get a drink and be right back. She walked around the corner to the water cooler and I did it...


Almost 90 years old and very opinionated. That would have been ok, if every other one of our guests didn't think she was my mother and that she lived here. She was the first one in for breakfast and the last to leave. She greeted every one of our guests and then stood at their table talking to them. Not your average, "Where are you from, what are you doing today" talk, but ..... abortion, religion, politics... all the taboo subjects that we normally don't bring up with our guests at breakfast!

When things were rearranged in our lobby, I knew exactly how they got there. We were told if plants needed to be watered and when tt (toilet tissue) was running low. (These two things were both told to George in the middle of waffle making. Fully expecting him to stop everything and attend to what she felt was important. And stop he did! To show her how much water WAS in the vase with the plant. "Oh, I thought it needed more!.") When I didn't water a plant quick enough, it ended up front and center on the lobby desk. This morning I woke up and found one of my outside plants sitting on the front desk. For 1/10 of a second I actually said, "How did this get here?" How the hell did I think it got here!!!!!! When the coffee cups got low, she told our guests (unbeknownst to me) that she was going to have me fired for letting things run low.

She asked a family with a 1 year old if she could hold their baby (1 minute after they entered the lobby). She called a 12 year old a "bum" for wearing his baseball cap into breakfast. She listened to other people's conversations and then proceeded to give her opinions on each and every subject. This after she told me she was forced to come with her family and that she didn't even want to be here. First, who would ever force her to come with them anywhere? Second, this gave her a chance to spew her judgements on many people in the course of three days. By the way, has anyone ever seen that movie Throw Mamma From The Train? That was random. Don't know why that came to mind.


Her favorite subject. Jesus. She loved to tell religious jokes. Thought they were the funniest things ever. She was a devout stand-up comedian. I'll bet she really knocked their socks off in church, but in our lobby, not so much. And you better laugh! If you didn't, you heard, "What don't you understand? (long drawn out explanation of joke), you have no sense of humor! What is wrong with you." Yep, that's exactly what she said. To me. And hopefully no one else!

I can only assume that her family knows exactly what she does. Her son asked a teenager, "Is she bothering you?" And the kid said, unabashedly, "Yes, she sort of is." Kids and old people. They say what they want without hesitation.

DISCLAIMER #2: All statements in this blog are true. Any normal human being would have had the same "fight or flight" response. And given that fight was definitely not an option....